Thursday, January 21, 2010

"Woman -Which Includes Man, Of Course: An Experience in Awareness"

By Theodora Wells
Feminist, Business Communications & Training Consultant
Los Angeles, CA
1970

There is much concern today about the future of man, which means, of course, both men and women -- generic Man. For a woman to take exception to this use of the term "man" is often seen as defensive hair-splitting by an "emotional female."

The following experience is an invitation to awareness in which you are asked to feel into, and stay with, your feelings through each step, letting them absorb you. If you start intellectualizing, try to turn it down and let your feelings again surface to your awareness.

* Consider reversing the generic term Man. Think of the future of Woman which, of course, includes both women and men. Feel into that, sense its meaning to you -- as a woman -- as a man.

* Think of it always being that way, every day of your life. Feel the everpresence of woman and feel the nonpresence of man. Absorb what it tells you about the importance and value of being woman -- of being man.

* Recall that everything you have ever read all your life uses only female pronouns -- she, her -- meaning both girls and boys, both women and men. Recall that most of the voices on radio and most of the faces on TV are women's -- when important events are covered -- on commercials -- and on the late talk shows. Recall that you have no male senator representing you in Washington.

* Feel into the fact that women are the leaders, the power-centers, the prime-movers. Man, whose natural role is husband and father, fulfills himself through nurturing children and making the home a refuge for woman. This is only natural to balance the biological role of woman who devotes her entire body to the race during pregnancy.

* Then feel further into the obvious biological explanation for woman as the ideal -- her genital construction. By design, female genitals are compact and internal, protected by her body. Male genitals are so exposed that he must be protected from outside attack to assure the perpetuation of the race. His vulnerability clearly requires sheltering.

* Thus, by nature, males are more passive than females, and have a desire in sexual relations to be symbolically engulfed by the protective body of the woman. Males psychologically yearn for this protection, fully realizing their masculinity at this time -- feeling exposed and vulnerable at other times. The male is not fully adult until he has overcome his infantile tendency to penis orgasm and has achieved the mature surrender of the testicle orgasm. He then feels himself a "whole man" when engulfed by the woman.

* If the male denies these feelings, he is unconsciously rejecting his masculinity. Therapy is thus indicated to help him adjust to his own nature. Of course, therapy is administered by a woman, who has the education and wisdom to facilitate openness leading to the male's growth and self-actualization.

* To help him feel into his defensive emotionality, he is invited to get in touch with the "child" in him. He remembers his sister's jeering at his primitive genitals that "flop around foolishly." She can run, climb and ride horseback unencumbered. Obviously, since she is free to move, she is encouraged to develop her body and mind in preparation for her active responsibilities of adult womanhood. The male vulnerability needs female protection, so he is taught the less active, caring, virtues of homemaking.

* Because of his clitoris-envy, he learns to strap up his genitals, and learns to feel ashamed and unclean because of his nocturnal emissions. Instead, he is encouraged to keep his body lean and dream of getting married, waiting for the time of his fulfillment -- when "his woman" gives him a girl-child to carry on the family name. He knows that if it is a boy-child he has failed somehow -- but they can try again.

In getting to your feelings on being a woman -- on being a man -- stay with the sensing you are now experiencing. As the words begin to surface, say what you feel from inside you.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Platform for Action on International Women's Issues

The catalyst to me going into feminist activism was when I took a course during my MA called "Women, Policy & Justice." The following is from the International Conference on Women in Beijing 1995. It lays out all the problems and proposes solutions, so I actually lost any apathy I once felt and became determined to make way for change. Below is an example of what the Platform encompasses:

Strategic Objectives and Actions:

* Women and Poverty
* Education and Training of
Women
* Women and Health
* Violence against Women
* Women and Armed Conflict
* Women and the Economy
* Women in Power and
Decision-making
* Institutional Mechanism for the
Advancement of Women
* Human Rights of Women
* Women and the Media
* Women and the Environment
* The Girl-child

SEE HERE FOR MORE INFO: http://www.un.org/womenwatch/daw/beijing/platform/

Rape Language [written by a man]

"Not every man is a rapist, but every man who grows up in America and learns American English learns all too much to think like a rapist, to structure his experience of women and sex in terms of status, hostility, control, and dominance". So says Timothy Beneke in Men on Rape 1982.

Beneke, says a common theme for men who seek a sexual encounter is, "having sex is an achievement; the achievement is gaining possession of a valued commodity; the valued commodity is a woman". He suggests that there are metaphorical structures that represent our different views of sex. First we see sex as an achievement:

SEX IS A GAME: If you PLAY YOUR CARDS right you'll SCORE. Your BEST BET is to go easy or you'll STRIKE OUT.

SEX IS WAR: He got SHOT DOWN while trying to WEAR DOWN HER RESISTANCE because she knew he was always HITTING on other women.

SEX IS BEING SERVICED BY A WOMAN: She wouldn't PUT OUT FOR ME. She DID IT FOR HIM, but she wouldn't DO IT FOR ME.

Once consent is gained Beneke says that achievement becomes performing well sexually:

SEX IS PERFORMANCE: You were GREAT LAST NIGHT. He wasn't able to FILL THE BILL, but I got RAVE REVIEWS in bed.

SEX IS INSTRUCTION: I know how to SHOW A WOMAN A GOOD TIME. You could LEARN A LOT from me. He could TEACH HER A THING OR TWO.

Other metaphors show the woman as a commodity that can be possessed or stolen:

SEX IS A COMMODITY: I never had to PAY FOR PUSSY. Why would a man rape if he could GET IT FOR FREE. She wouldn't GIVE ME ANY, do you know any AVAILABLE women?

SEX IS A POSSESSION: I'd like to HAVE HER for a night. I bet I could GET HER if I want because he's GONNA LOSE that girl.

SEX IS FOOD: What a DISH she was the BEST PIECE OF ASS that I ever had.

WOMEN ARE OBJECTS: She's a cute THING. Check THAT out, she is strutting her STUFF. How would you like a LITTLE BIT OF THAT?

Women are also seen as animals or children.

WOMEN ARE ANIMALS: She's a nice CHICK. What a FOXY lady. Check out the Playboy BUNNY she's a great PET of the month. Let's see if we can shoot some BEAVER. What a DOG. She's a BITCH.

WOMEN ARE CHILDREN: Do you like the GIRLS at the office. Hey, BABY!

Sexual feelings are seen as being out of control and/or violent:

SEX IS MADNESS: I'm WILD with desire every time I see that woman I GO CRAZY.

SEX IS HITTING A WOMAN'S GENITALS: He'd like to BANG her BOX.

MASTURBATION IS HITTING ONE'S OWN GENITALS: I like to BEAT MY MEAT. He WHACKS OFF.

IMPREGNATION IS AN ACT OF VIOLENCE: He KNOCKED HER UP.

A PENIS IS A GUN: He SHOT HIS LOAD into her.

Beneke says, "The above examples partially illustrate how a significant number of heterosexual men structure their experience of themselves, women, and sex. Most heterosexual men have used some of the above phrases at one time or another, and some men regularly talk that way". He says these metaphors address four basic aspects of sex: status, hostility, control, and dominance.

"STATUS. Clearly, achievement has much to do with status. Performing, triumphing, instructing, winning wars, conquering, and being serviced are all activities that confer superior status. And gaining possession of a valued commodity also gives one status in two ways: one has status over the woman because one possesses her, and one is given status in the eyes of other men.

HOSTILITY. To regard women as commodities to possess is an act of hostility[...]as is thinking of sex as war, triumph, theft, hitting a woman's genitals, a hunt, or possession.

CONTROL. In achieving possession of a commodity, one is trying to maintain control, to control the woman's behavior and control one's own performance.

DOMINANCE. To posses a commodity is to dominate it; to triumph, win a war, succeed in a hunt, win a game, or be serviced by a woman all express dominance".

Beneke then quotes psychologist N. Groth who said,"Rape, then, is a pseudosexual act, a pattern of sexual behavior that is concerned much more with status, hostility, control, and dominance than with sensual pleasure or sexual satisfaction". Works by J. Drake and D. Russel also confirm domination and power as significant components of many rapes.

Our language makes women's appearance a weapon:

WOMEN'S APPEARANCE AS A WEAPON: She's a KNOCKOUT! What a BOMBSHELL! She's STRIKINGLY beautiful! That woman is RAVISHING! She's really STUNNING! She's a FEMME FATALE! She's DRESSED TO KILL!

As Beneke says, a woman's appearance can, "knock a man out, explode and kill him, strike him, it can ravish him (notice the reversal-SHE rapes HIM with her appearance), it can stun, i.e., hit him on the head and again (twice) it can kill him. Everyone, man or woman, who learns American English and can understand the seven sentences above at least unconsciously understands a woman's appearance as a powerful physical force".

Thus sexual aggression become a way for the man to fight back. "One understanding of the penis as weapon: a means of getting even by inflicting pleasure (sex is triumph) and at least momentarily silencing the power of women's appearance". Of course in this light rape is the ultimate domination and victory over women's power.

Beneke then delves into a "folk theory of sex". "In a metaphor we understand one thing in terms of another; in a folk theory two normally separate things may be so collapsed together that it is difficult to separate them". These terms involve explicit language, if you find this offensive feel free to skip this message.

*** WARNING EXPLICIT LANGUAGE FOLLOWS ***

According to Beneke the following phrases are folk phrases:

Fuck you!

I got screwed by the IRS.

Get fucked! He says:

"We are able to make sense of the above statements because we not only understand sex in terms of aggression and degradation, but because we actually take sex to be that.

SEX IS AGGRESSIVE DEGRADATION: I'd like to SCREW her. I want to FUCK her.

And if sex is aggression or degradation, a penis is a weapon.

'Fuck you!' and 'Get fucked!' are both rape insults. In an insult one often verbally wishes on someone what one would like to see happen physically. 'I got screwed' expresses a feeling of violation[...]

Try saying 'Fuck you!' aloud several times. What thoughts, feelings, or images arise? Is there anyone you wish to say this to? In wishing to say this, are you wishing violation and rape upon them? A rapist who uses his penis as a weapon is acting out A VALUE THAT WE EXPRESS REGULARLY [emphasis mine]. A man may never relate to women in a sexually abusive way, but if he uses this language he is reflecting a view of sex as an aggressive, degrading act".

"This language probably will not change till our conception of sex changes. For the present, it is important to know what we're saying and why we're saying it".

At this time I look forward to any comments people might have about Beneke's ideas.

Robert
http://www.holysmoke.org/sdhok/rape003.htm

The Myth of the Vaginal Orgasm [see link to 1970 article!]

As an Aquarius, I bring water to the people. I like to think water is information. It's about time I brought information to you on female sexuality.

A woman has three genital organs with separate purposes: the clitoris for pleasure--the only body part with no other purpose but pleasure, the urethra for urination, and the vaginal canal for intercourse and reproduction. A man has one genital organ with all three purposes. So the man's orgasm is connected to reproduction, while the woman's orgasm is just for fun. Did you know that the clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings while the penis has 4,000?!

According to zoology, a female human only reproduces 10 percent of the time and she gives no sign of impregnatability to males. Ninety percent of sex for her is bonding. (Both women and men produce a bonding chemical called oxytocin, but women produce more.) For female animals, they do send out impregnatability signals to males and reproduce 90 percent of the time. It is said that humans, bonobos, and dolphins are the only species which have sex for pleasure only.

The "G-Spot" is named after the man (Grafenberg) who "discovered" it. However, all the "G-Spot" (located about two inches deep within the vagina) is...is the back of the clitoris. The clitoris is actually four inches long into the female body! The average vaginal canal is also four inches long. And the average erect penis is six inches long, so the "size matters" argument is gross misinformation. The vagina only has nerve endings at the beginning of the canal, so any size penis suffices. Not to mention, intercourse provides indirect clitoral stimulation at best. Not to compare humans to objects, but "it's the motion of the ocean, ain't the size of the ship." It takes the average woman 20 minutes to orgasm, while it takes the average man two minutes (or the average person 11 minutes).

And you'll notice that sexual circumcision in Africa is about removing the clitoris from the female--they're not removing "G-Spots."

Furthermore, in 70 years of study, experts find that the vast majority of women who orgasm during intercourse do so in a "woman superior" (woman on top) position.

Read more here (a famous article from 1970):
http://www.cwluherstory.com/CWLUArchive/vaginalmyth.html

I still agree that the v orgasm is a myth, but otherwise this site is right on:
http://femaleorgasmsecrets.com

Minus the vulgar slang, this article is also right on (the woman needs to orgasm first--and BEFORE intercourse):
http://www.cleansheets.com/coverstories/regentin_12.07.05.shtml

And for the center of attention:
www.the-clitoris.com

Destroy Your Porn Collection [and other must-see web material]

Universal Declaration of Human Rights (1948)
http://www.un.org/Overview/rights.html For those who saw U2's Vertigo Tour 2005/2006, you'll remember parts of this being shown on the screen. A great chance for all to read it in full.

National Organization for Women's Feminist Womanifesto
http://www.now.org/store/images/items/ms-bww2.jpg

Overpopulation
http://www.populationconnection.org/
This is the umbrella over all the world's problems. Did you know approximately 50 percent of all pregnancies are UNplanned? As the bumpersticker goes, "A world of wanted children would make a world of difference." In Al Gore's movie An Inconvenient Truth he states that families with more than two children (including his family since he has four children) are part of the problem. It took until the year 1800 for the world's population to reach one billion. It is almost seven billion only 200 years later!

Overopinionated and Childfree
http://www.overopinionated.com
http://www.happilychildfree.com
These sites are connected and very informative.

Common Reasons People Have Children...and a few thoughts
http://www.childfreebychoice.com/a-reasons.htm
See if this doesn't persuade you to be childfree. Before you take offense be sure to read the overpopulation statistics above.

Male Contraceptives
http://www.malecontraceptives.org/
This page advocates men having contraceptives beyond the options of condoms and vasectomies.

Destroy Your Porn Collection
http://oneangrygirl.net
I wrote to the gal in charge of this site. She sent me a bunch of "Destroy your porn collection" mini bumper stickers, and I stick them wherever I can. I've also removed a video from someone's house and a ripped up a magazine in another person's house. Extreme? If change is to occur, we must do the unthinkable. (Be sure to print your wallet-sized Anti-Porn Cheat Sheet here: http://oneangrygirl.net/antiporn.html)

Diamonds are a Girl's Worst Friend: The Trouble with Engagement Rings
http://slate.com/id/2167870/
I could've written this! Why is it only the woman gets one? Isn't it like she is now bought and paid for? In the interest of equality, let's abolish this pasttime.

Alternatives to Marriage Project
www.unmarried.org
Have you ever thought about how marriage is an unnatural state!? Are you fearful of divorce...or already divorced? As you know, first marriages have a 50 percent divorce rate. Did you know second marriages have a 67 percent divorce rate?! And just because people don't divorce doesn't mean their marriage is happy. Some experts estimate only 5 percent of marriages are truly happy. It's time to change what doesn't work for most people. Let's follow Larry Mullen, Jr. http://www.unmarried.org/people.html

The Name Change Game
http://weddings.about.com/od/getorganized/a/shouldchangenam.htm
If you insist on marrying, there are alternatives in changing your name (or not) and naming your children. Did you know in the first 4,500 years of human history people went by first names only? No offense to individual men, but think of how powerful men feel collectively because their spouse and children take their last name...and how that might lead to men abusing power in general. (Also, go by Ms., not Miss or Mrs., just as men only go by Mr. There should be no indicator that you're married while there's no indicator that he is. Remember...Ms. is not just for widows and divorced women!)

JobShare
http://www.jobshareconnection.com/
Great solution for couples with children. Instead of one working at home and one working outside the home....

Gender-Neutral Language
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-neutral_language
Referring to objects (vehicles, land, etc.) as "she" and all living things (people, animals) and God as "he" is waaaaaaaaaaaay out of balance.

Bonding Chemical Produced During Sex!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin
Women do not need to apologize for feeling bonded and men cannot deny the power of physical joining!

Don't Date Him Girl (should say woman!)
http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com/
To warn females about cheating males. Can also be used to report and spot abusive ones. Reported males have a chance to refute. Please don't mis-report men you are just mad at.

Are You a HIGHLY Sensitive Person (HSP)?
http://www.hsperson.com
Skim info. Then take the self test (be sure to follow the directions). I'll bet U2 is an HSP band!

Are you QuirkyAlone or QuirkyTogether?
http://quirkyalone.net
Skim info. Then take the quiz.

Good News!
http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org
Cancel your newspapers and turn off the news channels. Any spiritual advisor would give you this advice! We can find out enough news to get by (without even trying really) and with much more positive angles.

Feminist Books & Feminist Authors
http://www.feministezine.com/feminist/books/Feminist-Book-List.html
Read one today!

U2 Feminist: what it means

1. U2 fan (74 concerts, see http://bronovox.blogspot.com); fan of feminism
2. You are too feminist
3. From you to a feminist
4. YOU, TOO, ARE A FEMINIST

Any comments welcome (just don't go crazy tonight): U2feminist@gmail.com